This is awkward… I know we haven’t talked in a while. And I know that my Dad told me that he was you. But I still believe. Sure I’m 26. But no one ever said faith was easy. Gimme a second here to get my thoughts straight.
Look, I know that I’m a grown man and I probably shouldn’t be asking for presents anymore but if you bring me a pair of these then I promise I’ll stop taking your name in vain and I promise to stop hunting reindeer without a permit and using their precious pelts for toilet paper. I just need to show these off to all the losers I went to high school with when I’m home for Christmas. Yes, I know I should never use your generosity for personal gain but, have you seen these things!?! Might I also add: Please?
Your number one buddy,