***Guest contributor alert: The following entry was written by a popular TV personality and star of movies such as Mr. Wrong (hint: not Bill Pullman). S/he has asked to remain anonymous.***
I was a little late to come out of the No Age closet. Something about the whole ambient-noise-punk genre made me nervous. I mean, I had been a successful stand-up comedian for years, why would I risk my success by proclaiming that I liked this weird little two-piece out of L.A.? Ultimately though, you can’t live a lie. So, finally, after much soul searching, I made the brave decision to come out of my secret No Age prison and download their EP collection, Weirdo Rippers.
Not gonna lie, at first it was a little weird, but it felt right. I finally felt alive! My friends supported me, of course, but my parents didn’t seem to understand my choice and it only made things worse when my grandparents discovered my love for No Age when they saw my People magazine cover. On top of that, my sitcom got canceled when the ratings took a sudden dip, even though I had guest stars like Laura Dern playing my girlfriend (and this was right after Jurassic Park, when she was red hot!!!). But, Laura Dern or not, middle America just wasn’t ready for a prime time star that liked No Age. Then, things just got worse. I was in a terrible relationship with a woman who wasn’t ready for No Age. Let’s just say she listens to Top 40 now, if you catch my drift.
Anyway, things are better now. I’m dating a former Ally McBeal and Arrested Development star and I host a popular daytime talk show. Hell, I even hosted the Grammy’s this year! And now, No Age has signed to Sub Pop and are coming out themselves…with their debut full length, Nouns. So, why don’t you do some experimenting (it worked for me) and check out this little ditty from that previously mentioned LP?